Mr. Besilly's Blog

The Problem With Seeking Approval

I love to write. For me it's become a wild eyed passion these days. But as much as I appreciate having my work read and commented on, that's not the reason I write. Sometimes I pour over my keyboard just to air out the thoughts bouncing around in my head. Other times it's because I experience something or read something that inspires me. By writing it down I've now cleared the way for another few thousand thoughts to take over the empty spaces of my pea-size brain.

The best way to lose autonomy over your work is to gain an appetite for approval. Once you find your voice, the style and patterns that make up who you are as a creative, why would you compromise that by looking for approval? It's a creativity killer and the quickest path to extinction. Let's be honest, we all want a loyal following to some degree or another. Most often it grows when we're not giving it any power over our work. But then once we realize we have people's attention, the temptation is to start trying to please them by writing stuff that will have mass appeal.

An Instant Version of The Real You

Instant mashed potatoes taste great if you don't know any better, but for those of us who do, there's nothing that could ever replace homemade mashed potatoes. In a similar way our modern methods of communication are incredible, but they're called instant for a reason. Mostly because they contain less of the good stuff, leaving us hungry for something more meaningful.

Instant communication was created to serve us in a culture that's moving at blazing speeds. No time, so communicate more and say less. Replace the sound of our voice with a text or email. After awhile it feels so empty.

I encourage you to take a moment of pause today, reach out and really connect with someone, in a deep and meaningful way. That doesn't mean you have to invest hours of time. Say something that really matters, if it moves you, others will be moved too. You'll find yourself full for days.

Don't allow instant communication to create an instant version of yourself. There's nothing that can replace the real you.

Sometimes A Do Over Is The Best Place To Begin

Like an unexpected car accident, there are some life altering events that don't allow for a do-over. Our personal relationships are bit different, though sometimes they may feel like a total car wreck, a do-over can be the best place to begin when attempting to unravel an offense. The kind of offense I like to call a flesh wound.

A do-over is a simple way of partnering with the one's we love to administer amazing grace into a thoughtless moment of mangled insensitivity. A do-over serves as a non-confrontational way to admit that we've seen our error and the horrible chain of events it brings.

To Be Or Not To Be

A woman heard an inspiring message from a life coach that asked the question, "Are you a human being or a human doing?" The speaker encouraged the audience to rethink their frantic pace of 'doing' in life and choose to live healthier by 'being' in the moment. He laid out a compelling argument for everyone to just 'be' and learn how to become present without distraction. It turns out that many people feel trapped in the doing and are desperately aching to be.

His message was a bit lost in translation as the woman heard, "Are you a human B or a human doing?" She chose to make the right choice and started living as a human B which gained her little more than people starring. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear and miss the real message, sending us off in the wrong direction because of our own limitations. We're simply not going to learn what we don't want to know.

Is that any way to be?

When We Dare To Dream

“If you make the world a little better, then you have accomplished a great deal.”

When our deepest desire is to leave the world something that makes it a better place than when we found it, the possibilities are endless. It's these kinds of dreams that come true everyday. You'll be surprised how often the resources reveal themselves when the goal is aimed outward. John Kanzius set out to cure cancer in his garage using hot dogs, his knowledge of radio waves and his wife's pie tins. John is not a doctor of medicine but he is turning the medical world upside down with his discovery. Funding is coming in from places John never imagined possible.

10 Life Lessons I Learned Playing Grown-Up

For me, growing up has been more difficult than I had ever anticipated. It appears that I may not be as far along as I had originally thought. Some of the first things to go when I started playing grown up was riding a bike, jumping on a trampoline and running down hills. I've realized that complaining more, forgiving less and focusing on making money over making friends are all worse things than having cooties.

I've chosen to start reversing those errors in the past two years, though I'll admit I have used our trampoline more for afternoon naps than I have for jumping. That makes me happy.

Keeping The Air In Your Balloon

Here's the thing, you're the only person who can choose to give up and let the air out of your own balloon. Allowing the opinions or the discouraging chatter of others should never dictate that decision. Most of us have projects, dreams and life visions that we have launched headlong into. It takes passion along with dedication to keep our visions and dreams in motion. It also takes equal parts encouragement to press on. Especially when things become a bit scary and we feel all alone in it. 

You're not the only one battling with personal discouragement. There's an entire bleacher full of people like you pushing forward in spite of feeling a bit deflated. It's part of the process. I'm not saying don't let go if you feel confirmation in your heart that it's time. What I am saying is don't let go for the wrong reasons. Feelings change, they will pass.

Do Something Already!

You knew this day was coming. It's 2008, proof that another calendar year has passed and you're still stuck in first gear. It would be easy to come up with some broad generalization as to why you feel stuck and then apply a useless cliché on how you can fix your divine self. You're way past that already.

Allow me to interject a reasonable first step, do something and do it now. Doing something meaningful towards your goal will lead to another step. You are so ready to break out of that same ordinary bubble you've been floating around inside for the past year. Doing something, anything in a fresh direction will spark the inertia needed to create momentum. 

If You Have To Ask...

If you  have to ask the question, "Am I stuck in a rut?", chances are that the answer is a resounding yes. You're only hoping that someone in close proximity can talk you out of the truth. Good luck with that. Now that you know the answer, choose to do something about it.

What's Your Story?

Every year it seems like the world of pop literature finds a new low point. Last year Oprah looked on with horror as James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces" was outed for being less than authentic, a book filled with fabrications. The amazing fact is that even after all of the controversy "A Million Little Pieces" remained a best seller for another 26 weeks bringing James Frey more than $4.4 million in royalties. Thank you Oprah.

This year you will be starring down the barrel of another low of sorts in pop literature delivered in the form of "Slash", a "living the low life" memoir that redefines, sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. As if somehow the world needed that kind of subject matter redefined. The book is being billed as an intensely personal account of the struggle and triumph that Guns N' Roses guitarist Slash encountered from his childhood up to present. You won't find this one in Oprah's book club.